Hello, guys!
Since October is OCD Awareness Month, I thought it was finally time to talk about something a little more personal. Something that has been a huge part of my life, challenged me in ways I never imagined, and, strangely enough, taught me a hell of a lot about myself.
Anxiety, OCD, and the messy, beautiful business of recovery.
I’ve been dealing with anxiety since 2019. Or at least, that’s when I started recognizing it for what it was. After some therapy and a whole lot of self-reflection, I realized that anxiety had probably been hanging around my family for generations. My mom was anxious because that’s how my grandma raised her, and who knows what my grandma went through growing up?
And now, as I’m getting closer to recovery, I’ve even started noticing little moments of anxiety in my dad.
Don’t get me wrong. I have the best parents I could have asked for. But their parents weren’t always the best to them, and sometimes we inherit more than eye colors and bad habits. Sometimes we inherit fears nobody ever taught us how to handle.
Anyway, fast-forward through years of anxiety, countless panic attacks, irrational fears, and two unsuccessful attempts at therapy.
The first therapist was fresh out of school, and while everyone has to start somewhere, I needed someone with more experience. The second didn’t seem equipped to help me navigate what I was going through either. Neither was the right fit for me, and for a while, I genuinely wondered whether therapy was ever going to work.
Then came the plot twist nobody asked for: OCD.
More specifically, Harm OCD.
And before anyone gets the wrong idea, Harm OCD isn’t about wanting to hurt anyone. It’s about being terrified of intrusive thoughts that go against everything you believe in. It’s fear, doubt, and an exhausting need for certainty about things nobody can ever be 100% certain about.
By that point, my anxiety had started changing. The intense physical symptoms were becoming less frequent, but the intrusive thoughts? Oh, those little bastards had decided to move in permanently.
So I took the bull by the horns and gave therapy another chance.
Third time’s the charm, apparently.
This time, I found someone who actually understood OCD. Someone who knew about Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), how compulsions keep the cycle going, and why trying to fight every uncomfortable thought is often exactly what keeps us stuck.
And here we are, months later, with recovery finally feeling like something real instead of some impossible destination.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that recovery is a magical moment when your brain suddenly becomes quiet and anxiety disappears forever. Because that’s not the point.
The point is learning that your brain can make all the noise it wants, and you can still go out and live your damn life.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that OCD isn’t a reflection of who you are. It’s a mental health condition maintained by patterns of fear, compulsions, avoidance, and the desperate search for certainty. And those patterns can change.
You don’t have to solve every thought. You don’t have to figure everything out. You don’t have to feel perfectly calm to enjoy your life.
And you definitely don’t have to wait until you’re anxiety-free to start living.
Recovery isn’t always linear. It can take time, and everyone has their own journey. But it is absolutely possible to build a life where OCD no longer calls the shots.
I also want to share some of the people and resources that genuinely changed the way I understand anxiety and OCD. I originally discovered some of them on TikTok, then went down the YouTube rabbit hole, and I’m so glad I did.
I’ll leave their channels below because I truly believe good information can make a difference. Of course, none of these replace proper treatment with a qualified professional, but they’ve been incredibly valuable alongside my therapy.
And if you’re reading this while struggling with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or OCD, here’s what I wish someone had told me years ago:
Stop making a perfectly quiet mind the price of a beautiful life.
Let the uncertainty exist. Let the anxiety come and go. Stop treating every thought like an emergency that needs solving.
Go read that book. Drink your coffee. Fall in love. Make plans. Laugh at stupid things. Do everything that matters to you, even when your mind is being an absolute drama queen.
Because recovery isn’t about never feeling afraid again.
It’s about realizing you can feel afraid and live anyway.
Live your lives, babes. There’s so much more to you than what happens inside your head.
https://www.youtube.com/@The-Mindful-Gardener
https://www.youtube.com/@MaggieSterling
https://www.youtube.com/@rootandresponse
https://www.youtube.com/@StarJesseTaylor
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